Online journal – Thursday – day 1

Today was the first day of home learning. We had assembly in the morning , but getting the whole school on one chat is hard. I think they gave up trying and canceled the assembly. We have seperate chats for our classroom class and specialist classes. On the chats is says our name and the time we sent it. At recess and lunch we eat but we can’t play and I went for a walk with my family.

The end.

Dad jokes

Hi, I have got some jokes. (P.S there are 101 of them)

Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? Cause you shouldn’t press your luck

I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

My wife said I was immature. So I told her to get out of my fort.

I didn’t want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

A guy goes to his doctor because he can see into the future. The doctor asks him, “How long have you suffered from that condition?” The guy tells him, “Since next Monday.”

Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!

What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!

Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well!

What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory!

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it!

Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it!

I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary. I told him, “Mark, my words!”

I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up. Good thymes.

Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket?
“Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”

Why do dogs float in water? Because they are good buoys.

What is the tallest building in the world? The library—it’s got the most stories.

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!

Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands!

What’s a ninja’s favourite type of shoes? Sneakers!

What do Santa’s elves listen to ask they work? Wrap music!

Did you hear about the bacon cheeseburger who couldn’t stop telling jokes? It was on a roll.

Student: “Can I go to the bathroom?”
Teacher: “It’s ‘may.'”
Student: “No, it’s January.”

Why was the coach yelling at a vending machine? He wanted his quarter back.

Why do vampires seem sick? They’re always coffin.

Why did the stadium get so hot after the game? Because all the fans left.

What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.

My dog used to chase people on a scooter a lot. It got so bad we had to take his scooter away.

Within minutes, the detectives knew what the murder weapon was. It was a brief case.

Not to brag but I made six figures last year. I was also named worst employee at the toy factory.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!

I’m so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed!

Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!

I thought about going on an all-almond diet… But that’s just nuts!

My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?”And I told him, “No it doesn’t!”

My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down!

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised!

So a vowel saves another vowel’s life. The other vowel says, “Aye E! I owe you!”

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

My uncle named his dogs Rolex and Timex. They’re his watch dogs!

If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?!

I would avoid the sushi if I were you. It’s a little fishy!

Five out of four people admit they’re bad with fractions!

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”

I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later, call me Dad!

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way!

When the grocery store clerk asks me if I want the milk in a bag, I always tell him, “No, I’d rather drink it out of the carton!”

The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of people will understand this!

What do you call a donkey with only three legs? A wonkey!

After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it!

I know a lot of jokes about retired people but none of them work!

What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto!

What rhymes with boo and stinks? You!

I accidentally dropped my pillow on the floor. I think it has a concushion.

Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said “parking fine.”

I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today. It was clogged.

My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.

I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. At least it does if you throw it hard enough.

I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That’s my stepladder,” he said. “I never knew my real ladder.”

My doctor told me I was going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear.

Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

Which U.S. state is famous for its extra-small soft drinks? Minnesota!

I got a hen to regularly count her own eggs. She’s a real mathamachicken!

What did the Ranch say when someone opened the refrigerator door? “Close the door, I’m dressing!”

Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? They just seem a little shady!

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta!

I’ve been bored recently so I’ve decided to take up fencing. The neighbour said they will call the police unless I put it back.

Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!

I don’t really call for funerals that start before noon. I guess I’m just not a mourning person!

If two vegans get in a fight, is it still considered a beef?

I never buy pre-shredded cheese. Because doing it yourself is grate.

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess.

How do you tell the difference between a bull and a milk cow? It is either one or the utter.

My daughter thinks I don’t give her enough privacy. At least that’s what she wrote in her diary.

Fun fact: Australia’s biggest export is boomerangs. It’s also their biggest import.

What kind of car runs on leaves? An autumn-mobile!

I tried to organise a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.

Before the invention of the wheel… everything was a drag!

What did the duck say when she bought a lipstick? Put it on my bill!

What do you give to a sick lemon? Lemon aid!

What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain? Hi Cliff!

Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in!

What do bees do if they need a ride? Wait at the buzz stop!

What do you call a monkey that loves Doritos? A chipmunk!

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!

Do you remember that joke I told you about my spine? It was about a weak back!

I just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

When’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie!

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’re bagels!

What do you call a farm that makes bad jokes? Corny!

Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!

What kind of streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!

What do you tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!

What do you call it when one cow spies on another? A steak out!

What happens when a frog’s car breaks down? It gets toad!

A guy walks into a bar…and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

Congratulations! You did it! You win nothing once again!

Food, sustainability

Hi, what is your favourite fruit? Mine is fruit salad(Not an actual fruit, but…)

We need to eat less meat because it is running out. So we can eat other things like fruit. You know the good thing about eating fruit? It is yummy. You can be vegetarian or vegan. A plus about eating fruit is that it is healthy and is good for you. You can also grow it yourself and have it on other things like pancakes.


Free choice

We have a free choice blog challenge this week so I am going to share some weird facts about animals. ( By the way, there are 101 facts)

A horse fly hums in the key of F

Cows can sleep standing up but can only dream lying down

A flamingo can only eat if it’s head is upside down

Reindeer eyeballs turn blue in winter

The male gentoo and Adelie penguins propose by giving the female a pebble

One species of jellyfish is immortal

Ostrich males can roar like a lion

There is an average of 50,000 spiders per acre in green areas

In Alaska it is illegal to whisper in someone’s ear while they’re moose hunting

The turkey is one of the most famous birds in North America

Even a small amount of alcohol placed on a scorpion will make it go crazy and sting itself to death

Ants never sleep. Also they don’t have lungs

The smell of a skunk can be detected by a human a mile away

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear

Tigers have striped skin as well as their fur

The kangaroo’s ancestors lived in trees

Scientists have performed brain surgery on cockroaches

The very first bomb that the Allies dropped on Berlin in World War Two hit an elephant

An elephant can smell water up to 3 miles away

If you cut off a snail’s eye, it will grow a new one

We share 70% of our DNA with a slug

We share 98.4% of our DNA with a chimp

The placement of the eyes of a donkey enables them to see all four of their legs at all times

Oysters can change from one gender to another and back again depending on which is best for mating

The word “peacock” doesn’t actually apply to both the male and female birds. It’s only the males that are called peacocks, while the females are called peahens

You can tell a turtle’s gender by the noise it makes. Males grunt, females hiss

A starving mouse will eat its own tail

The starfish is the only animal capable of turning its stomach inside-out

Sharks have been around longer than dinosaurs

Alligators cannot move backwards

Approximately 100 people die each year when they are stepped on by cows

Hippo’s sweat is pink

In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees

Giraffes have no vocal cords

After eating, a housefly regurgitates its food and then eats it again

Back in 1924, a monkey was convicted in South Bend of the crime of smoking a cigarette and sentenced to pay a 25 dollar fine

Cat owners are 30% less likely to suffer a heart attack

Are you still reading this????

Even though a polar bear’s average body temperature is 37°C; they don’t give off any detectable heat, so they won’t show up in infrared photographs

China has the most goats in the world, they have over 170 Million

A chicken with red ear lobes will produce brown eggs, and a chicken with white ear lobes will produce white eggs

Snakes do not blink

A squid’s eye can get as big as a basketball

If you have a fear of chickens, then you actually have Alektorophobia

The life of a housefly is only 14 days

Denmark has twice as many pigs as there are people

There is a shark called ‘goblin shark’ which has only been seen around 50 times since its discovery in 1897

Crocodiles eat stones

Horses can’t vomit

A group of frog is called an army

Starfish don’t die of old age

Congratulations if you are still reading!

Frogs cannot swallow without blinking

A giraffe has the same number of bones in its neck as a man

Moose have very poor vision. Some have even tried to mate with cars

Jellyfish evaporate in the sun. They’re 98% water

A rooster is simply a male chicken

Some lions mate over 50 times a day

Millions of trees are accidentally planted by squirrels that bury nuts and then forget where they hid them

Flamingos are not pink

Hummingbirds are the only bird that flies backwards

The worlds deadliest animal is a mosquito

The mayfly’s lifespan is 24 hours

Roosters have to stop themselves from going deaf by tilting their heads back

A cockroach can live for 2 weeks without a head

Chickens can run around headless

Baby elephants suck their trunks

The seahorse is the only animal where the male gets pregnant

The heart of a shrimp is in it’s head

A snail can sleep for 3 years

Slugs have 4 noses

Elephants can’t jump

A rhino’s horn is made of hair

Sloths take 2 weeks to digest

3 percent of antarctic glaciers are penguin urine

Bats always turn left when leaving a cave

Kangaroos can’t fart

An ostriches eye is bigger than it’s brain

50 percent of orangutang have fractured bones from falling out of trees regularly

Frogs can’t vomit, if it has to it vomits it’s entire stomach

Wombat poop is cube

The closest living relatives to the T-rex is chickens

Sloths cannot shiver

Birds cannot swallow in zero gravity

Cows have accents

Crocodiles cannot stick their tongues out

Dolphins sleep with one eye open

Ducks like to surf

The annual number of worldwide shark bites is ten times less than people getting bitten by other people in New York

Some cats are allergic to humans

All clownfish are born male

Cats don’t meow for communication, they do it to get humans attention

There was once a type of crocodile that could gallop

Trained pigeons can tell the difference between Picasso paintings and Monet paintings

Cows painted with stripes can avoid being bitten by flies

Some pigs in china are the size of bears

Pigeons can do math

A group of ferrets is called a business

Turtles can breathe through their butts

Some worms can jump

Sloths sometimes mistake their arms for branches which causes them to fall to their death

Scorpions can hold their breath for six days

Male ring tailed lemurs have stink fights

Congratulations! You did it! You win nothing! Make sure you share your animal facts with me!



Music Challenge

Hi, Can you guess what types these instruments are? Woodwind, brass, string or percussion.




Drum kit





Cow bell

French horn











Double bass














Happy blogging! Answers will be in soon.



Writing challenge week 5

1. I looked down in disbelief, I couldn’t believe my eyes…

I am going sky diving this weekend because it is my birthday. Now all I have to do is get through school until the weekend. Finally school is over so I can go get ready. I grab my drink bottle, a snack and my money and hop in the car. We drive to the place. There aren’t many people which means there is no line. My mum and I pay for tickets and get on the plane. We have to survive a 15 minute instruction video, it feels like it will never end. As soon as the video finishes I run to the plane. My mum jogs to catch up. We board the plane but it won’t leave for another 10 minutes. The pilot attaches everything to us and the plane starts moving. It is 5 minutes until we get to the spot. We jump. We fall for a bit. We pull the string and the parachutes open up. Mine is green. I see a blue speck beneath us. It must be a lake. It is getting closer. RIP! I am caught in the tree. RIP! it comes off of me and flies away. Well they won’t get that one back. Now I’m stuck in the tree.